For the First Time
by miley-avril
Summary: "She'd never been so thankful to see his mop of brown hair and light bronze yellow eyes than when he'd turned around at the top of the hill, exclaimed "Moms!", and ran into both her and Regina's welcoming, open arms." On the voyage home from Neverland, Emma and Regina have a heart to heart about not only Henry, but their past heartaches as well. Swan Queen friendship.


**I KNOW I HAVE TO UPDATE 'ONCE UPON A TIME IN A LAND FAR FAR AWAY', AND I WILL, I PROMISE. I'VE HAD THIS IDEA FLOATING IN MY HEAD FOR A WHILE, AND NOW I'VE FINALLY HAD SOME TIME TO WRITE IT. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A HENRY/EMMA FIC WHEN I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA, BUT IT TURNED OUT WAY DIFFERENT. IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I USUALLY WRITE, BUT NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE CHARMING FAMILY CENTERED, RIGHT?**

**I DON'T OWN **_**ONCE UPON A TIME**_** OR ITS CHARACTES. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO ABC AND I'M JUST BORROWING THEM.**

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She'd never been so thankful to see his mop of brown hair and light bronze yellow eyes than when he'd turned around at the top of the hill, exclaimed "Moms!", and ran into both her and Regina's welcoming, open arms. Never. Not even when he'd found her in Boston. Her baby boy was safe –something that, at least, for the first ten years of his life, she'd known (she'd chosen adoption instead of putting him in the foster system in the hopes of one day being able to regain custody)– and that was all that'd mattered. Hell, even _Hook_ had joined in in the group hug. Rumple, as usual, was nowhere to be found, but something told her he was watching. Then it hit her.

Were Henry's eyes always olivey brown? What about his hair? Had it looked more like her own eleven years ago, or still like Neal's? The questions nagged at her all day until they finally boarded the Jolly Roger once again. With a concealment spell and shield put on the ship (she was the one who cast them under the assurances that her magic was the strongest, and not even Pan could break through them), Emma finally felt at ease enough to let Henry out of her sight for a few moments. She slipped into Regina's cabin, where the brunette was leaning over a bucket. After nearly a month on land, Regina had apparently lost her sea legs. Emma offered her a warm smile and a flask of water.

"Thank you." Regina said, her voice rough and dry from the heaving. She accepted the flask with a tiny smile of her own, but the wariness still showed through, no doubt coming from a place of being unable to see her son since she was practically expelling her stomach.

"He's fine, Regina." The blonde said softly. When the older woman didn't seem to get on the defensive at being called out on her worries, Emma dared to take a seat on the bed. As the mattress sunk, their shoulders nearly touched. "In fact, Hook's finishing up the sailing lesson Neal started on the way back from Manhattan." She forced her voice to stay steady, even at the mention of her ex-lover's name.

"Ms. Swan, may I ask you a question?" Regina said after a moment, staring at her hands.

"That's funny. I was just about to ask the same. But you go first." Emma gestured around them with one hand. Regina nodded.

"When Henry found you in Boston, did you immediately recognize him?" After several beats, Emma responded,

"No." Her lips formed a thin line on her face, and when Regina chanced a glance up, she didn't like the way her companion's lips turned downwards, more so than usual, anyway. "I didn't see Henry when he was born."

"How could you _not_, he came _out_ of you." Regina's tone was filled with disbelief and maybe slight agitation at the thought of being lied to. Emma closed her eyes and counted to three, not wanting to go to ten so as not to give the brunette any indication that she was irritated. That would only take them five steps backward for the two steps' progress they had made.

"You really wanna know what happened the day he was born?"

"Not all the gory details, no." Now it was Regina's turn to form a line with her mouth, her unusually pale lips being pressed together. She, too, counted to three silently, knowing Emma's attempts at humor were only because they were _really_ talking. After a sigh, Emma said haltingly,

"I didn't want to get attached. I knew I had to give him up –I mean, I couldn't send him to the system, the same Hell I had just gotten out of. Maybe I would have had a chance to get custody once I got out of jail but… I wasn't gonna risk it. I couldn't risk it. I knew he needed to go to a safe place with a family that would love him… a _home_. I didn't even know he was a he until he was born. I didn't get an epidural, thinking of the experience was horrible then I'd be able to let go." She laughed humorously, looking out the flap of the tent as she wiped away a traitorous tear, hoping Regina didn't see. She did. In fact, she'd sensed a difference in the woman sitting next to her since they'd entered this godforsaken world. She was struggling to keep her guard up, she'd noticed. Suddenly it hit her: this was the land of the lost children. The abandoned children. The children who had never felt loved, or worth something, or important. Neverland _itself_ was exploiting all of Emma's insecurities, the ones she'd kept buried for years. "Turns out that isn't the case. The day Henry was born was the best day of my life, even if it was the most painful."

"Emotionally and physically." Regina clarified.

"Regina, I know that right now, seeing Henry being taken from you… it hurt. It hurt me, too. But at least you had hope you'd get him back. When I –I didn't even _look _ at him, Regina. I never held him–" She was borderline hysterical now, her green eyes filled to the brim with tears that she stubbornly refused to let fall. "I didn't see him being taken out of the room, I didn't feel him being taken out of my arms, but after I heard the door close, I looked –I looked, and I saw an empty room, and an empty hallway, and I was _alone_ just like I've always been. I asked for a closed adoption, and I knew I'd never see him again. Hell, I'd _never_ see him. And then he showed up at my door and everything changed." She finished with a whisper, the high pitched tone her voice had taken during the last sentence breaking. Then, with a renewed resolve to find their son, she squared her shoulders, blinked back the rest of her tears, and said, "So to answer your question, no. I didn't recognize him. But we got him back, Regina. There's no way that kid gets pushed into my life, then back out of it, then into it, back out, in it again, and then gets kidnapped out of it. No way in Hell. He's supposed to be in it, just like he's supposed to be in yours, too. We'll get back home to Storybrooke."

At that, Regina had to admit she was a little touched. But, in true Regina fashion, she had to make some snarky comment before people actually thought she was being nice.

"Yes, what are the chances I'd end up adopting my nemisis' grandson, who also happens to be my great grandson, and the one person who could and would break my curse's son?" She let a small smile play across her face. "He brought out the good in me, Emma." The use of the other woman's first name caused her head to snap up. The brunette chuckled. "I believe we on amiable enough terms to address each other by our first names, as you've been doing all along?"

"It just sounds so… _weird_ coming out of your mouth." At that, Regina rolled her eyes.

"You said you had a question to ask me?"

"Uh yeah." Emma stuttered. "Um… what did Henry look like when he was a baby? I mean, I always assumed all babies look alike, I mean, they kinda do to me, but you know, I think every parent thinks their kid is cuter than everyone else's so you know, I was just wond–"

"Stop rambling." Regina held up a hand, effectively quieting the blonde. "I have a picture, on my phone, if you'd like to see it." She offered up the small cell.

"Dear God, you guys still haven't updated to smart phones?" Emma quipped, accepting the phone in question.

"Not everyone grew up in your world, _Emma_." She emphasized the name to show that while she was annoyed with the blonde's antics, she was trying her damned hardest to be patient. Emma stared at the phone. Every time her thumb twitched to flip it open, she stopped.

"What is it?" Though Emma had half expected Regina to snap at her eventually, the brunette's tone was nothing but… caring? Sincere? Concerned? Wait a second, that wasn't Regina… She decided to stop her mental wanderings and answer the woman before her luck ran out.

"It's stupid." She chuckled a little at her own childishness. It was just a picture.

"If it's got Emma Swan scared, then I'm pretty sure it's not stupid." The resolve and belief in Regina's voice caused Emma to look up for the first time in nearly two minutes. The same steeliness was in Regina's eyes, causing her to swallow hard.

"I just… when I saw Henry for the first time, I thought… I mean, once he told me he's my son –our son, you know what I mean– I thought he looked a lot like Neal in his facial structure and his hair… the only thing of me he has is his eyes." Her lips twitched upwards. "And I have Mary Margaret's... I guess they run in the family." Regina wanted to interrupt and tell her that faith and strength and the inability to die also runs in the family, so she fully believed that Henry would be just fine since even _she_ couldn't murder any of them. That they _would_ get home, that Pan wouldn't find the boat (she refused to call it 'ship' just to irk Hook) and take Henry back from them. She wanted to tell her that she needed to stop doubting herself because she was more capable and more important and more loved than she thought, that Snow had once been in the exact same place Emma was in and that even one half of the Idiotic Pair managed to get out of it, so Emma would, too. But she didn't say any of that. She stayed silent, knowing she was getting a rare glimpse into the thoughts and feelings of Emma Swan. "Anyway, he looked so much like Neal and me, just a tiny bit and I guess I just want to hold onto that because Neal's dead." She frowned. "Well, a gunshot to the abdomen and a fall through a portal should've killed him."

"You know who else has the ability to stay alive, even with people actively trying to kill him?"

"Let me guess: Gold?"

"As infuriating as that is, perhaps that trait was passed onto Neal as well?" Why Regina was trying to console her other enemy (well, Emma was the only one who actually seemed to be on her side but… she was in no way ready to call them friends), she had no idea. But she knew what it was like to watch your True Love be killed right in front of your eyes; maybe even the Evil Queen had some sympathy left in her. Or maybe it was a pang of guilt for killing Graham.

"Maybe." Though Emma didn't seem quite convinced, Regina would take what she could get. It occurred to her that they had gotten derailed once again, so she put the conversation back on track.

"Henry had blue eyes as most babies do. His hair wasn't the fullest right when I adopted him, but after a few more weeks it grew in. It was a bit lighter than it is now. Over the years, it's darkened. Why don't you look for yourself." Regina gestured to the phone, which had been flipped open subconsciously by Emma at some point in their conversation. Glancing down, Emma scrolled through the pictures until she came to one that looked like a baby who had just been born.

"How'd you get this one? It looks like it's from the hospital?"

"Oh um…" Now it was Regina's turn to stutter. "Gold sent me pictures of potential adoptees. This was the hour after he was born, I believe."

"Did you fall in love with him instantly?"

"How could you not." The brunette pointed to the screen. "This was the only image of him I had seen, but I knew he was the one, that he was my son. The thought never crossed my mind that he was somebody else's son, too. Thank you, Emma, for giving him to me. You may not have meant to, but I'm telling you… there were days I swear to God, if I didn't have him, we might not be having this conversation right now."

"Well, thank _you_ for taking care of him when I couldn't." Not wanting to dwell on the fact that Regina may or may not have just admitted what she thought the brunette had admitted, Emma flicked through some more pictures, coming across one that had Henry in his high chair with a cake in front of him with a '1' candle on it. "He was cute." She smiled longingly, wanting nothing more than for Henry to be in her arms. But she knew she had to give the kid some space, having personal experience with being smothered by her parents.

"He still is cute." Regina huffed. "And if your next question is 'what was he like', picture eleven year old Henry and all his exuberance stuffed into the body of a toddler."

"I bet he was a handful."

"He was." She affirmed. "But he was worth it."

"He still is worth it." Emma jibed, a teasing lilt to her voice. "If you're feeling less like you're gonna puke your guts up now, wanna head onto the deck and get something to eat?" The blonde stood up and stretched her arms.

At the mention of food, Regina's stomach rumbled in excitement. "Yes, I think that would be wise." Accepting Emma's hand up, she got pulled to her feet. Just before they stepped out into the open –that would mean pretending their conversation never happened, that they'd have to pretend not to actually like each other and get along and _care_– Regina said, "You were wrong about one thing, though. About him being more like Neal… from what I've gathered, Neal was a coward who left the person he loved alone. You're the antithesis of that bastard and luckily for all of us, Henry's personality is all you."

"I –um– thanks."

"Although, I think he did inherit my eloquence." With that, Regina breezed past an irked Emma.

"Hey! What's wrong with the way I talk?" She ran after Regina, who was doing her best to look regal even as she stumbled up the stairs due to the rocking of the boat.

"Coming from a teacher, Honey," Snow started, "there _are_ a few things I could say, but since I'm your mother, I think it's adorable." At that, the blonde scrunched her nose up.

"I'm not adorable." She muttered. A particularly strong wind blew, sending various items on the deck scattering. The map that had led Henry's rescue party to Pan's camp landed at Emma's feet. As she looked at it, the various lines and X's only Hook was able to read slowly disappeared. "Guys! Hey, guys, look!" She pointed at it.

"What happened?" Snow asked. Hook glanced down then answered,

"Pan made that map so that it would only reveal itself once Emma admitted to herself that she was an orphan. Apparently, Love," he turned his attention to the wide-eyed blonde, "that's not the way you see yourself anymore, so the map once again went blank."

"Emma!" Snow cheered happily, grasping her daughter's hand in her own. David patted her on the back, a broad smile on his face. She looked over to Henry, who face mirrored his grandfather's.

Maybe she'd never know if that smile was the same toothless grin he used to give Regina when he finally learned how to smile, or if the dimples had always been there. But she was okay with that. She was a mother, a daughter, a friend, a Savior, a sheriff. For the first time, there was one thing she was certain she'd never be again:

An orphan.


End file.
